So a few weeks ago I was driving north on 1-5 on my way to meet Ron for coffee, and, as usual, I was in heavy traffic, lots of trucks and folks on the way to lunch. In front of me was an SUV that was weaving a lot, creeping into the right lane, then over-correcting left.
I thought, this chick is drunk. I'd better hang back and stay out of her way, because if she causes one of these trucks to jackknife, I'll end up collateral damage.
Avoiding her was not easy. In fact, I was so focused on her, I was probably just as dangerous.
It occurred to me when I was getting close to my exit that she probably wasn't drunk at all. She was probably text-messaging someone.
Yes. While she drove 65-plus in the fast lane, she was probably sharing the latest gossip about Speidi, or commiserating with her bff, or fighting with her boyfriend, or tweeting her current status to her peeps. ("I-flyin on I-5")
It's the latest phenom that has the Establishment scratching their heads: What to do about drivers who text (including bus drivers and train conductors). Texters are already responsible for ten times as many deaths as all the Public Enemies from the 30s.
Maybe what we need is a new squad of Super-Cops, trained to take care of this problem. Call 'em T-Men. They could wire-tap the airwaves and set up stakeouts along the highways, develop a set of informants with over-developed thumbs who are willing to subscribe to everybody's RSS. And to hell with pulling people over and issuing citations! Let's bring back floorboards and Tommy guns and let the T-Men riddle 'em when they see 'em!
And just in case you're wondering why I'm so sanctimonious, yes I text. But no, I don't do it while driving. I'm strictly hands-free in the car, even when it comes to sex. (I always park first.)