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Mistress Marilyn's POV
No shit, Tempus Fugit!
Sex in a Bottle 
25th-Jun-2010 10:56 pm
Brit-groovy
So one of the luxuries we allow ourselves is the tanning thing. I never do any UV, but I've been a Mystic Tan chick for three years now.

Our tanning salon is now Palm Beach Tan, and we like the one out in Fairview, mostly because it has the best Mystic machine. This stuff is miraculous, not necessarily for the tan (I use 'light' with no bronzing), but for the way it makes my skin look. It tightens it up and makes it smooth and sorta shiny.

Anyway, the thing that fascinates me the most at these tanning places is not the amount of money people are spending to lie down, stand up and turn around in all these different contraptions. It's the Lotion Thing. Tanning money is not made on monthly memberships or even My Myst packages--it's really about the lotions.

I love listening to the salesgirls pimp the different qualities of these amazing elixirs! They have all these miraculous ingredients that reacts with your skin to make it browner for longer. This one will make you more golden, this one will do it faster, this one even faster. And the better the lotion, the better the bottle.

The bottles are so beautiful, I just enjoy looking at them, which is all non-buyers are allowed to do. (Whenever they sit on the counter, close enough to touch, there's a sign that reminds you NOT TO.) They shine and glitter, just like a supermodel's skin in the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue. Some are jewel encrusted, others gilded like something scrounged from the Taj Mahal. A few are shaped like Kim Kardashian and look just as lush.

Somehow I can't bring myself to pay more than $100 for a beautiful bottle, especially when I'm not even allowed to test the smell or consistency of the lotion itself. But I know if I could afford one of the best bottles, I'd have hotter sex, a better car and much more attractive friends.

Oh, and I'd have a better tan.

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Comments 
26th-Jun-2010 07:17 am (UTC)
It sounds like they might as well be magic potions! I love the way you described them.
26th-Jun-2010 03:39 pm (UTC)
laughs!

I remember when Dav was doing Mystic tans all the time, and she would come home and say "MOM I NEED."

And we would discuss need and want, and then how mean I was .. lol

love
t
27th-Jun-2010 02:04 am (UTC)
Oh, this is soooooooo funny! I laughed reading it and I laughed after and I'm now sitting her grinning like mad while I comment. (heh)

You're so clever! And every word seems true to me! Those BOTTLES. I'm glad we've never been really taken in by them, and only use the less expensive wonder lotion with the average bottle. (smile)

Yeah, sex in a bottle is right. If we had money to burn (blow?), then I guess we'd be tempted...

You never know!
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